The Marriage Market and Societal Mirror

I am generally a fan of the Sunday edition of the Economic Times, specifically for its weekend mix of non-economic news. Today, however, was exceptional. Amid the flurry of election-season stories—insightful pieces on loyal party voters and interviews with ministers—a familiar undercurrent of bias in the larger Times group publications remains.

But as I scanned the pages, what truly arrested my attention was the matrimonial section. Under the banner of ‘Elite Grooms/Brides,’ I found seven advertisements each for prospective brides and grooms, offering a stark glimpse into the social contract of modern India.

Invariably, every single ad was a ledger of social and economic standing—which is to say, a clear declaration of caste and net worth (in crores), alongside the usual vital statistics. While the ads were predominantly from North India, a pattern emerged that speaks volumes.

Almost every groom exclusively sought a bride from his own community. The sole exception was one South Indian groom who was open to any community. In sharp contrast, not one single bride sought a partner exclusively from her own caste. The only geographical preference was one girl who specified South Indian men, again, without a caste restriction.

The Conclusions I Draw

The contrast is undeniable, leading to these conclusions about the drivers of Indian society:

 * The Ties that Bind Men: Men remain firmly tethered to the apron strings of their mothers and the purse strings of their fathers. This preference for endogamy suggests a refusal to risk losing either the comfort of the maternal nest or the inheritance of the paternal wealth.

 * Women as the Vanguard of Change: It is women who are the catalysts for genuine social progress. Every significant, positive change we witness—be it challenging dowry or dismantling the caste system—is championed by them. Their lack of caste restriction in these ads underscores their push toward a post-caste future.

 * The Elite Status Quo: Men appear more concerned with preserving their elite status, not just economically, but also socially. By underscoring the importance of caste in alliances, they actively maintain the societal hierarchy.

 * Divergent Aspirations: Women seem to prioritize happiness and pursue goals that fundamentally clash with those of the typical, status-driven Indian man. The profound strife and friction we observe in society today are rooted in these conflicting, unequal aspirations.

A cursory look at social media also indicates how the general public conducts itself on issues of gender and freedom. With such a deeply entrenched love for caste and hierarchy, it is little wonder that the political pulse of the country leans so heavily to the far right, and that money flows so naturally into their coffers and election war-chests. The country, perhaps, gets the rulers it deserves. Education be damned. Ditto social change and equality.