Killer Tunes…

The Big Man’s estate was glowing, a palatial spectacle of fairy lights and red carpets that suggested a royal wedding, even though there was no occasion at all. It was luxury for the sake of luxury. He was showing off his silver, possibly hoping to curry his next promotion from the higher-ups, the guests of the evening. 

As the evening deepened, the "cool" drinks began to do their heavy lifting. Inhibitions dissolved into the humid air, and suddenly, the "talent" emerged. A makeshift stage became the focal point for a parade of guests eager to impress the bigwigs in attendance.

One young man stepped up, radiating a terrifying level of confidence. He launched into Kishore Kumar’s classic, ‘Mere Naina Saawan Bhaadon..’ and proceeded to dismantle it with relentless zest. I looked toward the exits, half-expecting security to bolt the doors to prevent a mass stampede of guests screaming ‘Bachao! Bachao!’ or perhaps to protect the singer from being mauled by a purist.

But no. To my horror, the crowd erupted in raucous applause. Mediocrity, it seems, is quite popular when served with premium scotch.

Just as I thought the auditory torture had peaked, the microphone was snatched by a man who didn't just sing Stevie Wonder—he belted ‘I just called to say I love you’ with the subtlety of a jackhammer. He was followed by a lady whose rendition of ‘Dil toh hai Dil..’ was so cacophonous that I lost all aitbaar (trust) in the human ear’s ability to filter noise.

I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I leaned toward my neighbor and muttered, “Kishore would be turning in his grave right now, saying he’s actually glad to be dead.”

The lady next to me didn't skip a beat. “And Stevie would be wondering why he’s blind and not deaf,” she chipped in.

Her friend, sipping her drink coolly, added the finishing touch: “Lata would be delivering her choicest gaalis to these mofos!”

We stood there in a small, cynical circle of sanity, bonded by the shared trauma of hearing the legends murdered by the very musical notes that made them!