Holy Cow!

Bringing back an old post of mine (with minor updates). 

Time changes everything.  Our comforts, habits, even language, as our culture evolves. As we see a revival of Hindu pride, we have to let it make its mark on the international stage too. What better way than making those much needed changes in English lexicon!

Since beef and cow are the new benchmarks of purity, an international expert committee on English language (with yours truly as a member) has suggested the following changes in usage and meanings.

Beef (n): Mythical meat of a sacred animal, cow. Consumption of beef causes gods to bristle and punish the sinners.  Punishments are meted out through a special task-force called Go-Rakshaks/Lynch Mob.   

Sub-text: Recently, her cousins, bulls and buffaloes, too are clamouring for the same status for their meats. And, some gods are in favour of granting it.  Other gods are worried it may cause strife.

Beef (v): (Beefed, Beefing) Old Meaning: To strengthen

Replacement: Buffalo (Buffaloed, Buffaloing)

Reason: Buffalo is found more appropriate since they're thick-skinned and heavier, and hence offer more protection.

E.g., Security has since been buffaloed up for the minister of animal husbandry.

Beefy (a): Old Meanings: Bulky; muscular.

Replacement: Oxy, Buffy

Reason: Beef is godly and cannot be used casually, and needs an 'earthy' replacement. 

Usage examples:

1.  He looks quite buffy in the buff.

2.  He's so oxy that I guess he's on steroids. 

Cow (v): Old Meanings: To frighten.

Replacement: Already existing words like, bully.

Reason: Cow is not only sacred but a very brave animal.It is disrespectful to suggest cows are easily frightened. 

Sub text: There were demands to alter the words, cower and coward too. However, the Committee is discerning enough to understand these words do not originate from cow. Hence, they stay as they are. This also shows that cow loving Hindus are not oversensitive and illogical. 

(To be Continued)....

P. S. Is a disclaimer needed? 😅