The Bluster of Boycott

The trouble with China has had its worst flare up in over 50 years.  We have lost 20 brave-heart soldiers at the LAC in Ladakh.  Unconfirmed reports suggest that there has been loss of lives on the other side too.  What sets this flare up is the brutality of the killings - use of barbed batons and boots to assail and pushing them down the ravines - showing a sadistic side of the enemy. 

The government and the Armed Forces are grappling with the problem, and are at the negotiation table with the Chinese side to resolve the impasse.  Internationally too, the face-off has caused ripples - and criticism of the Chinese hegemony and high-handedness.  India rightly has rejected the offers of mediation by other nations. 

Naturally most Indians are upset at these developments.  There are frequent calls to ban Chinese goods, give up Chinese apps, even Chinese food, and so on.  Stories on the net show people burning effigies of Chinese leaders (a faux pas from Assam showed North Korean leader's effigy being burnt), destroying Chinese made products. WhatsApp forwards are countless that tell us what are Chinese apps and how we could replace them with apps that are non-Chinese/Indian. Even traders associations have given calls to stop imports from China.  Some stories of government contracts awarded to Chinese firms being foreclosed, new contracts being reworked to avoid Chinese grabbing them have been reported too.

Of course the calls for banning anything Chinese are impractical and beat logic.  There is an iota of Chinese left in us no matter how much we would remove.  We can ban the goods now, but can we give up everything we have already bought and destroy them? Can we dismantle all the networks that we have installed in the country through Chinese firms? So many new ventures (and old) have Chinese investments - PayTM, Ola, Swiggy, Flipkart, to name a few.  In all possibility, you are reading this on your Chinese-made phone.  I have typed it on a Chinese-made desktop even though the firm is American.  And, those mobiles sold with 'made in India' label are either Chinese-owned or import electronics from China.  Our dependence on China is not just limited to electronics but extends to what is hoarded most by Indians, gold.  Even the kites that are flown during festivals, lights lit during Deepavali, come from China.  

Even if we succeed to ban and boycott Chinese goods, and end up destroying everything that has come from China, how can give up those that are part of our everyday life? Rice, the staple food of most Indians originates from China.  The morning tea that invigorates everyone has its roots in China, and was brought to India by the British.  The many kind of silks we pride in - Benares, Mysore, Muga, Kanjeevaram - are made possible because of silk that was discovered in China.  History and quiz buffs would also point out that paper printing and currency too have their origins in China. 

And, how easy it is to give up Chinese cuisine? Maggi noodles is everyone’s staple. We have even transformed our own recipes and made them oriental. From Chinese masala dosa to Chinese bhel. Invention is the key here. 

We take pride in our exports to the world.  Buddhism went from India to China.  Scholars from China came to study Buddhism during various historical epochs.  We beam that karate originated in India.  So did badminton, which today is dominated by the Chinese in the world.  We beam that plastic surgery has its origins in India. 

While the public reaction is natural owing to the aggression of the enemy, it is not prudent. Protests against Chinese action is valid and justified.  We could take as many rallies against it and burn effigies.  But inciting action in trade may not be in the right direction for the country as a whole.  We today have a trade deficit of over $50 billion with China, and only recently have our exports started expanding.  As wise men say, we should learn to keep politics and business separate.  We are bound by WTO in international trade practices.  And, going against those practices would be detrimental to the country. 

External affairs and foreign policy are best left to the Governments to deal with.  The governments have their own mechanisms, thinktanks, advisers, ministers, et al, to advise and act.  And, they would have the best interest of the nation in their minds while dealing with the aggressor.  We might have our opinions and critiques; but they are best for arm-chair discussions.

What we as citizens can surely do though is: encourage elimination of apps and products that are of no use.  Like many kinds of plastics.  Like the environmentally unsafe diyas and kites. And industries could change tack, and get into using recycled resources.  Plus invest in their own R&D to reduce reliance on external help.  It is time to think positive and invent new ideas.  And, give a pause to the negative emotions. 

Sand Between My Fingers....

Out of the blue the message that appeared on the screen shocked me more than many others that I had seen in the recent times.  'Sushant Singh Rajput found dead; suicide suspected'.  Here was a star who seemed to have everything going for him - outwardly.  And, yet he had killed himself.  Rumours abounded regarding his battle with depression in the recent days and his missed opportunities thanks to nepotism in the Hindi film industry.  Someone even tweeted he had lost out on 7 movies in six months after his last success, Chhichore.  And, the irony of it all: his last movie dealt about how suicide is not the solution.

Depression and suicides are not new terms.  All of us would have come across them.  My friend from primary school hanged himself after having failed in his second year of Engineering; he feared his father immensely.  A friend of mine from the Civil Services could not face all that pressure at his job just after two years of service and ran away; he came to live with me for a few months.  When he arrived I didn't even know his condition. It dawned upon after seeing him not  leaving his bed or room each day, not bathing, not eating, and not sleeping.  There are many other such stories.  Keeping them to myself.

This write-up of mine is not about Sushant or my friends and acquaintances.  It is about me.  And, this possibly is the most personal piece I have written here.  Baring a part of my inside which I have carefully kept under the wraps for almost all my life.  I guess it is time to let it all out in the open, and not carry anymore as a secret that I must protect with my life.  I am talking about my own battles with depression. 

My first brush with being down mentally was way back in 2009-10.  Till then I didn't know what it was to be completely down and out.  A mix of personal and professional troubles had resulted in me becoming aloof, withdrawn, and generally disinterested in things around.  I had no idea that these were symptoms of mild depression.  Soon, I was awoken to what I was going through by a colleague of mine.  "The Sudhir I know is a fighter; I can't believe I'm seeing the same person right now".  It was a wake up call.  Thankfully, this bout did not last long. 

Fast forward to 2018.  My then partner of nearly six years chose to end our relationship. Over a long-distance call.  "I can't be in a relationship where we aren't living together", were those parting words - we were living apart for over a year because of my own transfers (thanks to the government job I hold).  My efforts to move to Bengaluru where we could live together hadn't worked.  As though miracle (or a cruel quirk of fate).  I accepted the breakup overtly.  But, it had hit me more deeply than I had known.  I found it difficult to leave my bed, eat, concentrate at work.  It was a chore to speak to parents and family.  I found it difficult to keep my eyes open - even when fully awake.  Conversing was excruciating.  My mouth would dry up, I'd sweat, clench my fists, and jaw.  And hope it would all end.

Having been an introvert all my life it was not going to be easy to open up and tell anyone that I was going through a breakup and that I was hurting immensely.  Also, having mastered the art of hiding it was easy for me not to show it on my face, when I did manage to go to work, or met with the rare friend.  The intensity of this depression lasted for almost two years.  There were constant thoughts of self-harm.  Of ending all things quietly.  I could feel my own life slipping away from my grip like sand between my fingers.  I would wonder what would happen if I'd just let myself....

.. 2020 June.

I am still alive. 

I have not permanently harmed myself in any which way. I have not vanquished my depression forever.  But I have learnt to combat it, win the major battles, and have successfully stepped out of the previous big episode. 

Back in the early 2000s when my friend had holed up at my place did I learn what happens with depression first hand - by observation.  After having dragged him to the doctors, and monitored his counseling sessions and medicines, for months I had realised how debilitating depression could be.  But, when it came to my own life and its vice-like grip, all those lessons had gone away from the mind for months.  In a moment of saneness when my desire to live overpowered self-harm, I connected with my sister and blurted out that I was depressed.  And, then started my baby steps to open myself up to other people.  Seek help both from friends and professionals.  For the first time ever I opened up to my parents too and told them I was down, and I needed help.  I also promised that I'd come to them whenever I needed them around me. 

The single biggest fact that made me not take my own life was that my parents were still alive and I didn't want to leave them devastated.  It was not easy nor pretty the process of getting back into a clear head that didn't always tell me that I wasn't good enough to live.  I didn't always listen to the advice from professionals or well-wishers, but yet plodded on.  I have made it here and lived to tell the tale.

Some of the things I did to overcome this debilitating issue include regular exercise (my runs, walks, and gym), a newfound willingness to open up and talk about myself (wasn't always successful; my introversion is strong), my sister and parents, support from certain friends, and me creating a list of things I would want to do before I'd say bye.  The list inspired me.

The reason to write about my own experience was to set the context for what comes next.  An appeal to people who might read this.  An appeal to help those that show signs of depression. 

Depression apart from happening because of sudden life events, it may also be caused because of a host of reasons inherent in our society's ways. Having lived a life of discrimination based on caste and creed, biases and prejudices that come with social divide, class divide - poverty and penury, sexual orientation,  and physical traits (issues of weight, complexion, and being differently baked) can cause depression. 

Most people who are depressed may not realise they are depressed; even if they do they may not share it.  However, people in their lives can see those telltale signs of something being amiss.  So, if you see the signs, please offer help.  If they deny everything and resist your help, do not give up.  One of the biggest signs of depression is to go off communication.  By this I do not mean, every kind of communication.  It means the person generally loses interest in meeting people and socialise.  S/he might message you, post new pictures on facebook and instagram; even like your posts and send you smileys, but s/he would desist to come on a call.  Avoid meeting.  And, when meeting is unavoidable, may keep it brief or even avoid eye-contact.  These symptoms may be absent at workplace - but look for sudden absences.  Or excuses for delays, sudden sloppy work.  Look also for changed eating habits and patterns.  Avoiding food or overeating.  Substance abuse - alcohol mostly, but it can be anything else too. 

The reason most friends and families express surprise when someone tries to end their own life is not because it was not known that the person was down; but all of us keep telling ourselves that it might not be that serious.  Also, most of us would not want to deal with it.

If you are serious about helping someone in depression, do not just post messages to contact you.  A person depressed might not even see them; if even they did they may not contact you.  Instead, if you believe something is amiss with someone mentally, offer help.  Talk to them.  Tell them you are there.  Tell them you are willing to listen.  Give them your time.  And, not your advice that 'everything will be fine', 'don't worry', or 'its fine'.  and so on. 

Depression affects a large chunk of population in the world at one or more points in life.  Hence, it possibly is the biggest disease that afflicts humanity.  Let us commit to fight it together.

P. S. This post is not to show my ex in any bad light. I have moved on. And recognise that my reaction to breakup was my own. And not caused by ex. I’ve made peace. And I have a new equation as a friend with my ex now. Without malice. Without baggage and ill will. 

Bone to Pick

While the sad event of the elephant-killing in Kerala was trending, and there were scores expressing their shock and dismay at it, an acquaintance questioned the 'non-vegetarians for their double-standards' - how could you/they protest when you/they kill chicken and other animals? Even as I expressed my surprise at this and called it the holier-than-thou attitude of the vegetarians, I possibly was too flustered to come out with any further cogent argument against the statement made by him. But, this tete-e-tete left me thinking and I wondered if it was double-standards on part of non-vegetarians.

Our country arguably has the largest number and percent of vegetarians.  And, even then the total number of strict vegetarians would not cross 10-15% of the total population.  It is another matter that these numbers can fill many nations several times over.  Yet, the concept of vegetarianism plays a huge role in the socio-political arena of the country.  And, vegetarians generally are smug about their food habits and feel superior to the non-vegetarians because they 'do not spill blood'.  Jokes abound on both vegetarians and non-vegetarians, but vegetarians have this chip on their shoulders for their dietary practices - particularly those that are born into vegetarian households/castes.  

The influence of vegetarianism - largely based on religious beliefs - this has made non-vegetarians (particularly, Hindu meat-eaters) to observe 'vegetarian only' days dedicated to one God/Goddess or the other.  Sometimes, even saints.  Monday for Mahadev, Tuesday for Hanuman, Thursday for Sai Baba/Raghavendra, Friday for Durga, Saturday for Balaji/Venkateswara.  If these are not enough, there are entire weeks and seasons that become completely off-meat.  Meat is off-limits in many households during Shravan and Kartik months.  Ditto during festive weeks of Dussera and Ram Navami.  Add more days as you please of course! If you crave even for an egg, be prepared to be looked down upon, ticked off, derided, and so on.  

Why does this smug superiority flourish even though vegetarianism has not been conclusively proven to be the best diet? Are vegetarians above and beyond double standards and hypocrisy and hence they gloat? My thoughts stem from these questions.

Barring vegans (in India, they might be minuscule in numbers) there are no pure vegetarians in our country.  Everyone consumes and swears by dairy.  We need milk and ghee even to propitiate gods.  And, no dairy product is vegetarian; it is from animals, be it cow or buffalo (or goat or camel).  We may not be killing these animals but we are not taking milk from them with consent either.  (I'm just imagining a conversation with a cow in my head, even as I type this).  So, the theory that meat-eaters practice double-standards would bounce back at the vegetarian here, wouldn't it?

Human beings are omnivores and are at the top of the food pyramid; our evolution has led us to a stage where we question the necessity to hunt and kill.  We have realised the importance of conserving biodiversity, not because it will save earth but us.  It is however natural for a human to desire meat - that's how she has evolved or designed.  It of course is completely fine not to desire and/or eat too - based on ethical/religious beliefs.  What is not fine is imposing these beliefs on the meat-eaters and shaming them. 

It is also a scientific fact that not all the nutrients that a human needs are available from a plant-based diet.  Certain amino acids and vitamins can only be obtained from animal sources.  Vegetarians develop Vitamin B12 deficiency more commonly than non-vegetarians. And, there are many medicines and supplements derived from animal sources that are used by vegetarians.  Sportspeople swear by a meat-diet for their performance.  Carl Lewis of course is an exception.  Most medicine trials are conducted on animals and most of us - regardless of our diet preferences - stay oblivious to this fact. 

Oh, and almost every vegetarian who can afford uses leather.  In the form of bags, belts, shoes, sandals, wallets, and so on.  That seems not to have bothered many. The non-leather options are either way too cheap or fancy and expensive.  

Lastly, is it double standards of the vegetarians when they protest against felling of trees and deforestation because they eat only plants?  Food for thought!

P.S.  I am not a non-vegetarian in a loose sense of the word.  I relish my egg and never crave for any kind of meat.  However, if I am hungry and meat is the only option I have learnt to eat.  And not starve.